Some of you may remember a little ad the McCain campaign ran last week, indicating that they do, in fact, think that they can see the future. The debate was hotly anticipated, as everyone expected republican vice presidential nominee Sarah Palin to crash and burn, perhaps literally, as she tried to avoid looking even more stupid than she did during her interview with Katie Couric. Things started out a touch rocky, as Palin refused to shake hands with her rival, democratic vice presidential nominee Joe Biden, preferring instead to spit in his general direction while assuring him she'd be praying for his eternal soul, but that she doubted even she could help him, given that he's the running mate of a secret Muslim. Biden responded with a terse "Can it, beauty queen." Game on! In a stunning display of liberal media bias, the first question of the evening went to Palin, and was clearly intended to make her look as though she was underqualified, unintelligent, and bug-fuck crazy. Boy was that moderator in for a surprise! He asked, "How old do you think the earth is?" Sarah (or Sar, as I like to call her) was well prepared, and she answered the question eloquently, but in a style we common Americans can relate to. She stuck to her principles, and explained that, despite the fact that all the available evidence contradicts it, the world was obviously created by her main man, Jesus H. Christ, around-a-bout 6,000 years ago. When pressed to explain how to account for dinosaurs and the fossil record, Sar showed just a little of the fire and steely will I know she has in her, and, nostrils a-flarin', let that hoity-toity moderator know that the scripture is the only evidence that actually matters, or even exists. You GO, Sar-Sar! When the question was handed over to Biden, he stated simply that "Science has shown us that the world is approximately 4.5 billion years old." Bo-RING and inaccurate, Joe! Score one point for Sarah! The debate quickly turned to foreign policy, and let me tell you, I couldn't have been more excited. I knew this was my girl's moment to shine, and did she ever! (Not in a literal sense, of course, because Sar is one woman who knows her way around a powder brush!) When asked about foreign policy, all stupid head Joe Biden could do was ramble on and on and on and omg will her ever shut up on and on about Iraq and Iran and helping people in someplace called Darfur. It was so boring, you don't even know. But when it was Sarah's turn, she got things back on track. First she reminded us that her running mate had looked Putin in the eye. I think that's super important in a president, don't you? Then, in one triumphant moment, she let us all know that her foreign policy experience is not to be trifled with. She told us that she can see Russia...FROM HER HOUSE. Holy shit! That means more to me than any stupid talks and negotiations or whatever with foreign leaders. She. Can. See. Russia. C'mon! I'd love to be able to tell you more about what happened, but right after the foreign policy talk, Joe Biden snapped. Just before walking off the stage, he shouted "Fuck it! This is too insane. Am I on goddamned Candid Camera, here? Can anyone explain this in any other way? What the fuck am I doing dignifying this woman's presence in the race by speaking to her in any official capacity? I'm out." Just like those nasty, intellectual elitist liberals to not want to talk to people like Sarah, and by extension, people like me. AND he took the Lord's name in vain! Bookmark/Search this post with: |
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